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Please
feel free to copy this and distribute it - as long as long as you give
credit to me -
Susan Fitzmaurice, M.S., C. R. C. - Sexuality & Disability Educator,
Counselor, & Advocate
and send me an email telling me with whom and how you are using it.
Thank you.
Sex is
different things to different people. Sex with a special person can
be one of the
most wonderful, loving experiences you can ever have. Having a joyful,
caring sexual relationship with another person is part of what makes
us
human and different from animals. Sex with the wrong person can be scary
and hurt you.
One way
to help sex be the wonderful and joyful thing it can be is to think about
sex, and make a plan to be safe and responsible about your sexual behavior.
Make a
4 Ps - Plan for Pleasure, Permission, Protection, and Privacy today. It
is never too late and it is never too early to start taking the joy of
sex responsibly.
Why
do people have sex?
What do you need to think about before you have sex?
What do you need to know before you have sex?
SEX
is about PLEASURE
NOT - to keep your boy/girlfriend from leaving you
NOT - because he/she bought you dinner
NOT - to be cool
NOT - because you are a certain age
NOT - because you are engaged/married
NOT - because your friend is older than you and they said it was
OK
NOT - because you are drunk on alcohol/high
NOT - to ejaculate/cum/orgasm
NOT - because your friend has done it.
NOT - because your boss told you it is part of your job
So,
what is Sexual Pleasure?
Sexual pleasure
is knowing that this person is important to you, that you care about them
and they care about you, and that you want to share with them one of the
most important things you can share.
Sexual pleasure
is about knowing how bodies work. It is about knowing how to touch your
own body to bring you pleasure. It is about knowing what touches you like
and what touches you don’t like. It is about knowing how to touch
someone else's body in a way that makes them happy and feel safe. It is
about telling each other what you like.
It is OK to want
some kinds of sexual pleasure and not other kinds. It is OK to want to
kiss and hug and not do anything else. It is OK to say yes, and then change
your mind and say no. It is OK to say no when the other person wants to
have sex with you. Sex involves permission.....
Permission
for Pleasure?
Permission is
complicated. Permission for sex is not as simple as asking for permission
to go to the store.
1. The first
thing you need to think about is giving yourself permission to have sex.
Giving yourself permission is about making a decision about what personal
values you have about sex. Is it OK to have -
• sex
when you are not married?
• sex with somebody who is the same sex as you are?
• sex with someone you just met?
• sex with one person today & somebody else tomorrow?
• sex with more than one person
• sex with someone who is not a virgin?
• oral or anal sex?
No one can make
these decisions but you!
2. Both people
have to be old enough. NO ONE under 16 can give permission to have sex.
A person might say yes. They might have had sex before. But you could
go to jail if you have sex with someone under 16.
3. The person
you have sex with cannot be somebody who is your boss, or your parent,
or your teacher, or your job coach, or work for the police.
If somebody tells
you you will get in trouble if you do not have sex with them - don’t
believe them - they will get in trouble if you tell.
4. After you
give yourself permission to have sex you need to decide what you need
to do to have sex responsibly. One of the first things you need to think
about after you decide to have sex is protection!
Protection
from Pleasure
NO, not protection
from pleasure. You need protection from pregnancy and sexually transmitted
infections/diseases (STD's).
Men can give
women and men infections/diseases.
Women can give men and women infections/diseases.
Oral Sex, Vaginal
Sex, Anal Sex - any kind of sex can give you a disease! Gonorrhea, syphilis,
chlamydia, hepatitis, AIDS, warts, and more!
There are 2 ways
to protect yourself from STD's.
1. Know and
trust the person you have sex with.
2. Use condoms.
Know your Partner!
The best method
of protection against disease is to have an open and honest relationship.
If you do - you will know what protection you need.
If you are both
virgins - then you cannot have a STD.
If you have both
been tested for STD's and not had sex since you went to see the doctor
- then you are PROBABLY safe from disease.
If he ALWAYS
uses a condom - then you might be safe from disease.
If you do not
know the person - then you do NOT know if you are safe.
ALWAYS use a
condom when you have sex!!! Oral, anal, or vaginal sex! This is the best
method of protection from sexually transmitted disease.
YUCK,
Condoms!
Condoms, rubbers,
prophylactics, raincoats.....
Whatever you call them - use them!
Every time - no matter what! No excuses!
BUT, be sure you know how to use them!
Condoms have
dates on them. Be sure you look at the date.
Old condoms might
break or leak. Make sure the package is not torn or worn. The package
protects the condom. If the package looks bad - the condom will be bad
too.
Don’t keep
condom where it is too cold or too hot. That will help a condom break
easily!
Know how to put
one on and take it off!
Easy
Peasy- Putting a Condom On!
Do not open a
condom package with your teeth. Open the package gently with your fingers!
If you have a hard time with regular condom packages - use condoms in
disks packages.
There is a wrong
side and a right side to a condom. When you take the condom out of the
package part of the condom will poke out - like a baby bottle nipple.
Do not push this part. That part is on the outside.
Don’t check
a condom by filling it with water or blowing it up.
Put the condom
over the head of the penis and gently roll it up. Do not pull it, or tug
it - be gentle! ( You might need to check your nails!)
Leave that nipple
at the end empty. If you don’t - the condom won’t work, because
there will be no place for the sperm to go to.
Piece
a Cake -Take a Condom Off!
This is the most
important part about using condoms.
Do not slide out of the condom while you are still having sex. It is very
important to keep it on until your penis is outside the person’s
body.
Do not roll a
condom off. If you roll it off - everything inside will spill out.
Hold onto the
top of the condom and carefully pull your penis out. It will probably
have ejaculate or lubrication inside - so this is not so hard to do. Don’t
squeeze too hard! You want to keep all the sperm inside.
Throw the condom
away, safely in a waste basket.
If you do everything
right so far and do take a condom off wrong - you could end up with a
disease or getting PREGNANT!
Pregnant, but I’m on the Pill!
Pill, Patch, foam,
rhythm, injections - whatever birth control method you use is not 100%
accurate. Only sterilization is 100 % accurate.
If you do not
want to get pregnant - use two forms of birth control. A condom and something
else. If one doesn’t work - the other one will!
You can get pregnant
the first time you have sex! You can get pregnant when a penis has never
been inside your body. You can get pregnant any day of the month - even
during your period! There is no easy way to know absolutely that you are
safe from getting pregnant.
If you do not
want to be pregnant either
-------do not
have sex,
-------or use TWO forms of birth control.
OK - now the hard part - Privacy!
Sex is a private
activity.
Masturbation or sex with another person is a private activity.
If you share a bedroom - you need to make a plan about how to have sex
in your room privately.
If you and the person you want to have sex with do not live some place
where you can have sex - you have to make a plan to have sex in a place
that is private.
There are lots
of good ways to have sex privately. Use your imagination and you will
find a private place that is a good choice.
Sex
can be one of the most wonderful, fun, exciting things you will ever experience!
Having sex
is an important decision
you need to
make responsibly!
Make a Plan
today for
Pleasure, Permission,
Protection, & Privacy.
A note
on accessibility: All the pages constructed for this site have passed
all 3 levels of Bobby Approval and 508 compliance standards with the exception
of the linked Sex Support Forum, and pages under construction. This page
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