Logo: Susan's Sex Support Site

4 Ps:
Pleasure, Permission,
    Protection & Privacy ©2002

Home |  I am Curious about___! |  Self-Advocacy

Please feel free to copy this and distribute it - as long as long as you give credit to me -
Susan Fitzmaurice, M.S., C. R. C. - Sexuality & Disability Educator, Counselor, & Advocate
and send me an email telling me with whom and how you are using it.    Thank you.

Sex is different things to different people. Sex with a special person can be one of the most wonderful, loving experiences you can ever have. Having a joyful, caring sexual relationship with another person is part of what makes us human and different from animals. Sex with the wrong person can be scary and hurt you.

One way to help sex be the wonderful and joyful thing it can be is to think about sex, and make a plan to be safe and responsible about your sexual behavior.

Make a 4 Ps - Plan for Pleasure, Permission, Protection, and Privacy today. It is never too late and it is never too early to start taking the joy of sex responsibly.

Why do people have sex?
What do you need to think about before you have sex?
What do you need to know before you have sex?


NOT - to keep your boy/girlfriend from leaving you
NOT - because he/she bought you dinner
NOT - to be cool
NOT - because you are a certain age
NOT - because you are engaged/married
NOT - because your friend is older than you and they said it was OK
NOT - because you are drunk on alcohol/high
NOT - to ejaculate/cum/orgasm
NOT - because your friend has done it.
NOT - because your boss told you it is part of your job

So, what is Sexual Pleasure?

Sexual pleasure is knowing that this person is important to you, that you care about them and they care about you, and that you want to share with them one of the most important things you can share.

Sexual pleasure is about knowing how bodies work. It is about knowing how to touch your own body to bring you pleasure. It is about knowing what touches you like and what touches you don’t like. It is about knowing how to touch someone else's body in a way that makes them happy and feel safe. It is about telling each other what you like.

It is OK to want some kinds of sexual pleasure and not other kinds. It is OK to want to kiss and hug and not do anything else. It is OK to say yes, and then change your mind and say no. It is OK to say no when the other person wants to have sex with you. Sex involves permission.....

Permission for Pleasure?

Permission is complicated. Permission for sex is not as simple as asking for permission to go to the store.

1. The first thing you need to think about is giving yourself permission to have sex. Giving yourself permission is about making a decision about what personal values you have about sex.  Is it OK to have -

• sex when you are not married?
• sex with somebody who is the same sex as you are?
• sex with someone you just met?
• sex with one person today & somebody else tomorrow?
• sex with more than one person
• sex with someone who is not a virgin?
• oral or anal sex?

No one can make these decisions but you!

2. Both people have to be old enough. NO ONE under 16 can give permission to have sex. A person might say yes. They might have had sex before. But you could go to jail if you have sex with someone under 16.

3. The person you have sex with cannot be somebody who is your boss, or your parent, or your teacher, or your job coach, or work for the police.

If somebody tells you you will get in trouble if you do not have sex with them - don’t believe them - they will get in trouble if you tell.

4. After you give yourself permission to have sex you need to decide what you need to do to have sex responsibly. One of the first things you need to think about after you decide to have sex is protection!

Protection from Pleasure

NO, not protection from pleasure. You need protection from pregnancy and sexually transmitted infections/diseases (STD's).

Men can give women and men infections/diseases.
Women can give men and women infections/diseases.

Oral Sex, Vaginal Sex, Anal Sex - any kind of sex can give you a disease! Gonorrhea, syphilis, chlamydia, hepatitis, AIDS, warts, and more!

There are 2 ways to protect yourself from STD's.

1. Know and trust the person you have sex with.
2. Use condoms.

Know your Partner!

The best method of protection against disease is to have an open and honest relationship. If you do - you will know what protection you need.

If you are both virgins - then you cannot have a STD.

If you have both been tested for STD's and not had sex since you went to see the doctor - then you are PROBABLY safe from disease.

If he ALWAYS uses a condom - then you might be safe from disease.

If you do not know the person - then you do NOT know if you are safe.

ALWAYS use a condom when you have sex!!! Oral, anal, or vaginal sex! This is the best method of protection from sexually transmitted disease.

YUCK, Condoms!

Condoms, rubbers, prophylactics, raincoats.....
Whatever you call them - use them!
Every time - no matter what! No excuses!
BUT, be sure you know how to use them!

Condoms have dates on them. Be sure you look at the date.

Old condoms might break or leak. Make sure the package is not torn or worn. The package protects the condom. If the package looks bad - the condom will be bad too.

Don’t keep condom where it is too cold or too hot. That will help a condom break easily!

Know how to put one on and take it off!

Easy Peasy- Putting a Condom On!

Do not open a condom package with your teeth. Open the package gently with your fingers! If you have a hard time with regular condom packages - use condoms in disks packages.

There is a wrong side and a right side to a condom. When you take the condom out of the package part of the condom will poke out - like a baby bottle nipple. Do not push this part. That part is on the outside.

Don’t check a condom by filling it with water or blowing it up.

Put the condom over the head of the penis and gently roll it up. Do not pull it, or tug it - be gentle! ( You might need to check your nails!)

Leave that nipple at the end empty. If you don’t - the condom won’t work, because there will be no place for the sperm to go to.

Piece a Cake -Take a Condom Off!

This is the most important part about using condoms.
Do not slide out of the condom while you are still having sex. It is very important to keep it on until your penis is outside the person’s body.

Do not roll a condom off. If you roll it off - everything inside will spill out.

Hold onto the top of the condom and carefully pull your penis out. It will probably have ejaculate or lubrication inside - so this is not so hard to do. Don’t squeeze too hard! You want to keep all the sperm inside.

Throw the condom away, safely in a waste basket.

If you do everything right so far and do take a condom off wrong - you could end up with a disease or getting PREGNANT!

Pregnant, but I’m on the Pill!

Pill, Patch, foam, rhythm, injections - whatever birth control method you use is not 100% accurate. Only sterilization is 100 % accurate.

If you do not want to get pregnant - use two forms of birth control. A condom and something else. If one doesn’t work - the other one will!

You can get pregnant the first time you have sex! You can get pregnant when a penis has never been inside your body. You can get pregnant any day of the month - even during your period! There is no easy way to know absolutely that you are safe from getting pregnant.

If you do not want to be pregnant either

-------do not have sex,
-------or use TWO forms of birth control.

OK - now the hard part - Privacy!

Sex is a private activity.
Masturbation or sex with another person is a private activity.
If you share a bedroom - you need to make a plan about how to have sex in your room privately.
If you and the person you want to have sex with do not live some place where you can have sex - you have to make a plan to have sex in a place that is private.

There are lots of good ways to have sex privately. Use your imagination and you will find a private place that is a good choice.

Sex can be one of the most wonderful, fun, exciting things you will ever experience!

Having sex is an important decision

you need to make responsibly!

Make a Plan today for

Pleasure, Permission, Protection, & Privacy.

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